Let’s get into it, because there’s a lot to cover and unpack from my latest episode, Relationships: Stop Settling.
First, however you choose to define your relationship is up to you. Whichever path you take, you will learn what you like and what you don’t. Sometimes we get ourselves into situations we don’t like because we are here to learn something. Yes, sometimes it’s the hard way, yet you usually understand the lesson sooner or later.
If you feel like you’ve always attracted less than ideal partners and don’t understand why, ask yourself, is there a part of you that resents one or both of your parents, or even yourself? On the other hand, if you hold yourself in high regard, you may simply be weeding out people who are not a good fit until you meet one who is. Don’t settle.
Wherever you are on the dating path, don’t settle. And don’t settle “down.” Expect the best, and until you meet the person you feel you can build a life with, if that’s your goal, or even if your goal is simply companionship, make sure you are holding yourself in high regard. Anything that is not love will not feel good in your body. You will know when you are settling for second or third best because you want to be married, or have a child and think, “this one will do.” Children are a lifetime commitment. Be sure that whoever you choose to have children with is someone you are okay having in your life forever.
Before you commit to the relationship title, be sure you know that person. It may be hard to know everything early on, yet your body will give you clues.
You are not a stranger to your ego, yet your ego is more powerful than you may realize. It can choose partners who are not right for you because it learned growing up what attention feels like. If you grew up in an abusive or emotionally unavailable household, your self-esteem may have taken a hit, and the bare minimum can feel like a “win” because it is more than what you experienced before.
As an adult, you may grow through hard lessons about what you deserve, and at a certain point, you may want to heal parts of yourself that still carry shame or withheld love so you can have better standards and choose better partners.
It is also disempowering to believe that a man who cheated on his wife or partner to be with you will somehow be different with you. I have seen this pattern many times, and I have experienced it myself. It is not the woman who determines whether a man cheats. It is the man, his emotional maturity, his values, and his integrity.
For those of you who have vivid dreams and are very intuitive or empathic, take notice of your dreams, especially when you are dating someone. Not all dreams are the same. Some are just your mind processing the day, and some feel very clear and very direct. Over time, you learn the difference. Do not ignore something that feels off when you wake up.
Ladies, do not ignore your intuition.
Men, just because she is attractive does not mean she is an object. She is a human being with feelings. Treat her kindly.
And men, be careful with who you choose. Do your best not to let your physical attraction be the only thing choosing your partner. Be clear about what you want in a partner, not just someone who looks good on your arm. If you like strong women, she will have opinions. Emotionally secure men are attractive. Insecure men may be tolerated for a while, yet emotional security is what creates a healthy relationship. Your feelings matter too.
At the end of the day, this reflection is really about self-respect and self-trust.
Stop settling for less than what feels right in your mind, your heart, and your body.
You can watch the latest episode, "Relationships: Stop Settling" here.
'Til next time, choose love, choose yourself.
Lisa Eve