I like to reflect on everything I share, and this week is no different. I made an error on a previous episode where I said, "If I can get through it, so can you," and after further reflection, I felt I misspoke. I don't know your life path, so how can I truly know if you could get through the same things as I have?
That's why judgment, while maybe helpful in a courtroom, does little else for someone in their day to day. Comparing ourselves to each other is such a waste of time, yet somehow it's how we live life. It's hard to stop comparing when the magazines tell you how you should look, when we see our friends looking fitter than before and feel like we need to get to the gym or work out harder. It can be hard to accept ourselves as beautiful without the collagen and Botox.
This episode started with a thought about rites of passage, and that we all need to find our own way on our individual paths. Are we actually moving through levels of our own existence? Are we in our own video game, like "Choose Your Own Adventure"?
I remember sitting in a restaurant with a friend, and she remarked about a young waitress who was wearing a lot of makeup. She said something like, "Doesn't she know she doesn't need all that?" Or, "I can't understand why she needs to wear all that makeup." And I thought, and maybe even said out loud, "We all have our rites of passage. When we're teenagers, maybe that's what we do, or did. Makeup was this new way to dress ourselves up." I thought about this as I was preparing for this show.
No one knows what class we signed up for, how our parents treated us or taught us, or why some of us have supportive, loving parents who tell us, "You're beautiful as you are," and model that exactly by not wearing makeup, while others have a father who demands a son be just like him and thinks he's worthless if he's not. You don't know what the person sitting next to you on the bus is thinking or feeling, whether it's a good day or a bad day for them.
So when we interact with each other, one might assume their life path is similar to others', yet if we look or act differently, we compare. The danger is: what are we truly comparing ourselves to?
I hate the win/loss mentality. I get it. If someone wins a race, they've earned first place. But what are we racing toward? Who sets the standard of the race in the first place?
We're taught to rank ourselves against each other from a young age. Gold medals and silver medals. A's and F's. The popular kid and the kid who wasn't. I spent a lot of years on the lesser end of those rankings. I wasn't the popular kid in school. I struggled at Syracuse University and had to go to summer school to raise my grades and stay in school. I've flunked tests, failed licensing exams multiple times, and spent long stretches feeling like I wasn't as good as the people around me. This was especially evident when all my parents' friends had kids who were on the honor roll and went to the best universities.
Along the way, and in my 40's I learned that none of us is better than another. That we're all doing the best we can. And it further made sense to me when I realized we are each playing out our own classes and what we signed up to learn in this lifetime. Someone getting the A doesn't mean they're ahead of you in life. Someone getting the F isn't behind. You genuinely don't know what someone else's path requires of them, so there's no way to actually judge how they're doing against it.
I also talked about something harder to say out loud: there were times in my life when I didn't want to exist anymore. I thought about how I could go out safely and comfortably, and every time I was met with that opportunity, I couldn't take it. I wasn't ready. I knew there was more for me here. I shared this on the episode because I know I'm not the only one who's felt that, and if you have too, I want you to know you're here for a reason, even when it's hard to feel it. You are so strong, my friend. My brother, my sister.
Competition doesn't bring us together; it creates division. It's what makes us feel even more alone on our path. Once you realize that you are the leader of your own path, it doesn't matter how much someone else compares themselves to you. You can keep going, and do it with peace in your heart.
I closed the episode with a heart-centered meditation and clearing, to help you implant your own wisdom into your heart channel. Just as I've learned the way on my path, you too can learn the way that's right for you, and if you change your mind, that's even better, as long as what you do, you do for you. You've chosen your own class, your own lessons, and you'll know when you're ready to graduate.
Listen to "Levels, Leveling Up, and Why Competition Doesn't Matter" on The Wisdom Channel®.
Written with love,
Lisa Eve ❤️