When did service stop being about care, and start being about expectation?
From resorts to restaurants, what was once a gracious way to serve has become manipulation, and I’m over it.
Rant coming.
I’ve been sitting with this question of when generosity shifts from something pure into something transactional. When we authentically want to share generously, and then feel an expectation.
Like the time in the Maldives when a butler told me my tip was too low, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed. The next time I tipped high, he said it was too much and gave half to charity. I couldn’t win. Gratitude had turned into performance.
Or when a friend who was a bartender gave me free drinks one night, then yelled at me for not tipping her. Wait, if it was free, why was there still a price tag attached?
Or the hotels that leave envelopes on the bedside table urging you to tip housekeeping, as if to say, we don’t pay our staff enough, so you should make up the difference. Sometimes housekeeping even leaves little notes with their names, ensuring I’ll mention them in a review.
It’s a whole lot of WTF. Especially now. Hotels charge extraordinary rates per night since COVID, as if making up for lost time, then add a “service fee” on top, and still expect tips?! Isn’t everyone in the same boat? Aren’t we all just trying to navigate our “new lives”? Since when did it become okay to rip people off and then call it hospitality?
And it’s not just in travel, it’s the tipping culture in America too, and honestly, I hate it. It sucks the life out of generous giving and turns everyday exchanges into manipulation.
And here’s the effed up part: when did tipping become standard to replace fair pay? If people and businesses actually charged the full value of their service, then gratitude could go back to being what it’s supposed to be, a bonus, not a requirement. Instead, we’re living in this vicious cycle where prices are set low (or disguised), and the burden gets pushed onto the customer to “make it right.” That’s not generosity, that’s manipulation.
Twenty percent automatically added to wellness services. Expected tips at restaurants because servers are paid so little. The endless ways tipping has become built-in instead of optional. We’re not serving from the heart anymore. We’ve moved backwards in time.
And here’s what really gets me: as someone who travels often, and as a Luxury Travel Advisor, people project entitlement onto me. In hotels, some men see me as their golden ticket, as if my stay is part of a mating ritual, where they might win the chance to be my pool boy and never work again, in the relationship or otherwise.
Sorry mtherfckers, that’s not how this works.
And btw, I don’t have a pool for anyone wondering.
What people don’t see are the countless times I’ve given massively: the donations, the time I’ve spent listening and offering guidance for free, the on-air readings I paid to provide.
The ways I’ve shared my writings, my work, my soul offerings, through posts, blogs, or podcasts, always without a paywall. When I launched The Happy Channel® back in 2012, I chose to share it without advertising because I wanted it to be free for everyone. And now, I still share often without many followers or much engagement, simply because it feels true to my heart and soul’s purpose.
That is my choice of how I give generously. But for those who don’t like to read, who can’t hold an attention span longer than 30 seconds, it won’t matter what I do or how I offer myself. People want money.
Here’s the truth: generosity is sacred when it flows from love.
It turns sour when it’s expected, demanded, or manipulated.
So here’s my truth: my worth is not my wallet. If you’re lucky enough to be in my presence, to enjoy time with me, don’t take it for granted.
Deuces, and with much love,
Lisa Eve
